Depression and unhappiness permeating every aspect of my life.

I have got to find a place to live. The home I have lived in for the last 15 years, the house has been with the family for the last 55 years, is to be sold and I am destined for a one/two bed flat. To say the least I am unhappy with the prospect. Damn my parents for buying this house, damn my parents for letting me live here for so long, damn my inability to be successful.  Gloom permeates every aspect of my life, and with the British weather the rain the constant rain, the cold. I sleep badly, I eat badly, I am getting fatter, I am getting slower, I cannot keep up cycling with my friends, my friends are sick and tired of me droning on and on about my supposed woes, And to add to this I have started sleep walking I fell down our spiral staircase the other night.

I cannot see myself being able to settle in a flat. I looked at a 2 bed flat that would have all fitted into the living room (well nearly) of my present house. Coming to terms with this is tough.

But I have a plan and I am sticking to it. Buy a flat as a base and then go travelling. Luke, my son, will be able to live in the flat and at least he will be settled.
I will have to sell all my bikes as I will have no storage to put them. My possessions, my paintings, the desk my grandfather gave to me, everything I have collected throughout my life… no idea what will happen to them. My sister has a basement and most will go there. They are worth nothing except to me. Keep your eyes on ebay.

Well the positive I will be able to buy a new bike to go travelling, a flat bared Rohloff Stoater from Shand Cycles. I may be able to complete my world trip which I previously terminated to care for my mother.

Anyway the upshot of all this is that I will not be going to Morocco, although it will still be on my mind, I have to look for a place to buy and live. I am presuming this will take a month or 3. It also seems wrong to love living somewhere and to leave it for the last few months to go travelling, after it is sold I will possibly have all the time in the world to travel, until I spend all the money and have to get a job – – I’ll look forward to that when I am 65.